You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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