went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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