she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize