I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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