She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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