Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
