Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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