I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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