So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize