careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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