addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
