I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
should my penis look like a turkey
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
