Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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