my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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