thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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