if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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