On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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