sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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