No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
