If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize