We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
