i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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