i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize