Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I touched a dick in church today
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
