Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
