last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
