And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
