Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
