i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
nutella sex= disaster
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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