so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
