I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I die, sorry about rent.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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