I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
