so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
