Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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