and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
