There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
