You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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