I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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