Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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