So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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