So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
