I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
