I feel like abortions should bother me more
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
soo... how was my night?
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