She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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