She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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