I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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