The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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