Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
