i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize