at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
