and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
