We won't sleep together?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
