oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This is my gift to your gina
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
