yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
