Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Holy sore nipples Batman
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
