its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize