Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
