I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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