You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
