thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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