Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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