You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
