haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
