When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
