Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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