I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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