This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
