Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
