dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
