"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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