I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i drank out of a bidet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
