i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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