never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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