Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize