capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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