the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
