I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I smell stomach acid.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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