I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
