we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
