When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
