I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
