question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
