your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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