I got chris browned last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
