brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
