Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
