Umm I'm too high to move.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
