i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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