He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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